Mar 31 2009
Relationship Advice: How to Handle a Friend Who Wants to Be More
I ran into this boy that I used to talk to like 2 or 3 years ago. We were never official because I had a boyfriend at the time (although I didn’t like my boyfriend), but I’d go see him and talk on the phone and stuff. I really liked him a lot. Now he’s in the Marines and wants to see me when he’s home and talk on the phone. But he says he loves me, and I have a different boyfriend now. I want to be his friend, but he acts like he’s mad that I have a boyfriend. If I go see him when he’s home, he catches attitudes if he knows I’m going to see my boyfriend when I leave. What am I supposed to do?~~Just a friendYeah, that’s a tough one. It’s what you call having your cake and eating it too. Unfortunately, that won’t work here.
If you remain friends with this guy knowing he still has feelings for you and that you once had feelings for him too, you’re starting something. If he likes you like you say he does, he’s going to see your wanting to be friends as encouragement for him to try to get with you, even if only on the phone right now. Guess what- you’re setting yourself up for the possibility of liking him too.
Even if you say “no that could never happen, my boyfriend is my only boo,” think about this. You liked the other boy a couple years back, and you still want to be his friend. So you must still like something about him, even if not in that way- yet.
Now what does a boy normally do when he likes a girl? He tries to impress her. Saying all the right things, doing all the right things, sometimes even giving all the right things (compliments, gifts, too many hugs and such). Does the other guy do these things? Think about it. I’ll bet he even brings up old memories from 06-07. If he hasn’t already he probably will.
My point is this: when a guy likes a girl he’ll usually try pretty hard to make himself irresistible. That’s the point of it all, right? Well guess what. Sometimes it works! It takes a wise person to acknowledge a possible weakness rather than to stand so strong in your belief that it could never happen to you, only to be tested and then fail.
In other words, it’s great that you have a commitment to your boyfriend, so don’t test that commitment just to prove otherwise.
What happens when the other guy does or says the sweetest, most perfect thing in the world and every part of you (every part you’re willing to listen to anyway) tells you it’s ok to hug him a little tighter on the next goodbye, or you share a funny little moment that makes you both burst into tears from the laughter, and hug each other a little longer because he’s so darn cool (and cute too)?
Or what happens when you’re mad at your boyfriend for some silly little thing that you’ve fought over a hundred times before, some silly little thing that normally you’d quickly forget when you kiss and make up, but this time you tell the other guy and he’s comforting you, and then suddenly he’s kissing you? What then?
I’m just saying. It may seem easier to deal with this situation because he’s in the Marines and away a lot, but it will actually be that much harder. I dated a guy who had to leave for the Marines. Instead of slowing things down, it’s like it made them speed up. Everything was more urgent. When we talked, it was often about hopes and dreams and big things like that rather than ordinary day-to-day small talk.
When your Marine friend comes home, that’s probably how he feels- happy to spend time with you but ticked that he has to share that time with your boyfriend. So yes, girl. He’s catching an attitude because he wants you. So if you don’t want him, cut if off. If you do, cut the other one off.
Don’t string either one along- you don’t want to trip over that string any more than they do. Peace & blessings, girl!
